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Santa is gay

Discussion in 'Lounge' started by RACKnRAIL, Dec 22, 2007.

This thread is being watched by 2 users.

    RACKnRAIL 今は知っているでしょ Staff Member Moderator

    Santa is GAY! I hate to be the one to defy sacred myth, but I believe Santa's gay. Christmas is a big, organized, warm, fuzzy, nurturing social deal, and I have a tough time believing a straight man could possibly pull it all off! For starters, think about the planning that goes into an event like Christmas. Even Martha Stewart is envious.

    Straight men have day jobs, so they wouldn't have time to stand at the local shopping malls and ring a bell all day. But if you're a gay, out-of-work Actor/Dancer/Waiter it's the perfect gig until you get your big break. Also, if he were straight he would have picked a more masculine animal than the reindeer to get him around, like horses or oxen, but the reindeer just happens to appeal to Santa's inherent sense of grace and beauty. And those names: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen? Fill in the blanks.

    Mrs. Claus has been married to him for eons and he's never fathered a child with her, she's over-weight and still content... Can you say "Fag-hag"?

    Ever thought about the Rudolph story? He's gay too! "All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names. They never let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games." (as if he wanted to). Isn't Rudolph really a metaphor for the gay child in a straight society anyway?

    Ever ask yourself why fruitcake is the traditional dessert at Christmas time? Well, now you know. And stop pretending you don't like it. Deep down inside, you've always liked fruitcake.

    Other reasons why Santa can't possibly be a straight man:

    * Look at the size of the bag he packs for a one night trip!

    * Red velvet, fur collar, black engineer boots... think people!

    * Physically he's a wet dream for the Girth and Mirth club and the perfect poster model for GMSMA.

    * Gay men have long been using stockings to hide their candy.

    * Ho Ho / Homo... a little too similar if you ask me.

    * That long over-night flight around the world taps into the flight attendant gene. And one more thing, did you ever know a straight man named Nicholas? Oh, straight society has tried to butch up his image by calling him St. Nick, but we know better. It's Nicholas, damn it! Ms. Claus if you're nasty. Merry Christmas!
    1 person likes this.
  2. mfgbypooter

    mfgbypooter Super Pooper Staff Member Moderator

    He may be a little jolly, but I don't really think that makes him gay.

    As for not having any children, everyone knows Santa only comes once a year, and that's down chimneys.

  3. mountain_rage

    mountain_rage Zeropaids nipple Established Member

    You seem to have some rather deep incite into the life of a homosexual man RacknRail, is there any reason for that???

    RACKnRAIL 今は知っているでしょ Staff Member Moderator

    That's only speculation, but actually, I'm a lesbian. you got a problem with that?
  5. HelenaP

    HelenaP go luath.. céanna go luat Established Member Contributor


    JEEeeeZuS, Mary, and JosEpH!
  6. Mels_Smileys45

    Mels_Smileys45 JabberZombie Established Member

    Eh! Soon we wont be even able to call him Santa anymore, he will be "Holiday Dude" or some such $hit. Outlawing fat Santas? Are people really this nutty? Who has spare time to think up $hit like outlawing fat santas in public? I dont mean to go way off in left field as the "Gay Santa" discussion is really awesome but whats next? NO old people in TV ads? They scare and depress me!
    Old people send the wrong message to kids as older people are always "popping" pills to "feel better". Next thing you know little Jr. is shooting scag and giving blowjobs from the back of a van. Ive seen it a million times.
  7. Excrement_Cranium

    Excrement_Cranium Just Sick Established Member

    That explains my unnatural obsession with other men's asses today.

    Spending my last day as a grocery clerk dressed as Santa.

    4 more hours to go! Hooray?
  8. HelenaP

    HelenaP go luath.. céanna go luat Established Member Contributor

    Funny story my Gem told me today;
    A friend of his, who is African American, was raised in a fairly "white neighborhood" (his friend's words)...

    Well, when he was about six years old, he mom took him to see Santa. He had never seen Santa before and burst out crying.

    His mom looked at him, at asked him why he was crying (don't most little ones cry in their "Santa" pics, until they are five or six?).

    He said, "Oh no, Mama! They burnt Santa!"

    True story. I laughed my arse off!
  9. Lord_of_the_Dense

    Lord_of_the_Dense Deicidic Chipmunk Revue Established Member

    Santa is really Dumbledore.
  10. EvilRSA

    EvilRSA Member

    Santa is so jolly because he knows where all the naughty girls live. :icon_thum
  11. ratcat

    ratcat Member Established Member

    Interesting research RacknRail

    There might been a method to Michael Jackson's maddness in turning white. ??
    (See HelenaP quote #8 in this thread).
  12. Mels_Smileys45

    Mels_Smileys45 JabberZombie Established Member

    Wonder what I could have got as a kid if I would have told that fat **** I would suck his dick. I could of had it all! I could of had a pool table!
  13. mfgbypooter

    mfgbypooter Super Pooper Staff Member Moderator

    The elves felt sorry for Mrs. Claus being alone on Christmas Eve so they built her a "special" wooden toy.


    RACKnRAIL 今は知っているでしょ Staff Member Moderator

    like pinocchio's nose the story goes
  15. HelenaP

    HelenaP go luath.. céanna go luat Established Member Contributor

    You may have even gotten even more than you expected...like a gift that keeps on giving. I mean c'mon. Remember the reindeer?

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